I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
