we're chasing vodka with high fives
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
