I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
