Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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