I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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