I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
