You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
