We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Someone shattered a urinal.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
