she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
