I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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