Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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