Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
