Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
