I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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