I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
