Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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