I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
