hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
