My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
