Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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