I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Your cock deserves a montage
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
