I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You smell like stripper and shame
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
