Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
