iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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