im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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