Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
