What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
