I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize