I hope mine doesn't look like that
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
