Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
