I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I want her autograph on my taint
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
