Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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