someone get that fucking seahorse.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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