I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
