I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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