One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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