Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
