I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We need a shit load of segways right now
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
