I smell stomach acid.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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