I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
