drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
