I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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