the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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