WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you win again, gameday.
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
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So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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