Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
