Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i now understand why vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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