the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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