I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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