Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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