he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
