dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
