Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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