remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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