paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
