So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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