OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
