the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
