What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
