I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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