I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
