i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
