Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
