you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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