His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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